I don’t know where I am.  I mean, I know I’m in my office in my small northwestern Phillyburb apartment.  But I’m on my who-knows-what-number drink of the evening, listening to the fourth? fifth? rendition of “A Cruel Angel’s Thesis” (the Neon Genesis Evangelion theme song, if that helps) on Youtube.  I’m trying my best to stick to this song and not go off into J-pop.  That way leads only to darkness.  I really can’t stand J-pop, if only because of the mastering.  All the songs sound like something from Disney made-for-TV movie OSTs in the sense that they’re all moderately polished, overly compressed, and scooped in the mids for the vocals, as if trying to present every voice as a potential “star.”

Coincidence is currently #50 in Amazon’s Kindle Store > Kindle eBooks > Fiction > Literary Fiction.  It doesn’t take much to rise through Literary Fiction.  Today (May 17th) is my grandfather’s, brother’s, and aunt’s birthdays.  Only two thirds of them are still breathing.  And only a half of those do I care about.  So in honor of my brother’s 31st, the man who inspired Chris Acker a.k.a. Chris Robins in Coincidence, the ebook is having its last free KDP day.  After these 90 days are up, I’m dropping the KDP and putting it up on Smashbooks again.  I don’t expect much from there, but the option will be available.

So I’m reading the nonfiction book One Red Paperclip, based on the story of Kyle MacDonald and his trades from a paperclip to a house.  Someone left a stolen library copy in the cafeteria at work, so I figured what the hell, eh?  The story itself is amazing.  The places the project takes Kyle blows my mind.  But two things are constantly in my mind when this book’s open:  First off, Kyle repeatedly presents himself as an unreliable narrator.  But second…Christ, I hate this guy’s voice.  If ever I met Kyle MacDonald, I have the strong inclination that I’d want to punch him in the face.  I’m not normally a violent man, but just the thought that this man exists…and speaks…and no one’s trying to stop this?  It hurts me.  This level of hippie douchebaggery is simply unacceptable.

So the whole thing is making me paranoid about my own voice.  I’m already iffy on Candy’s voice in Project: Temperance.  Alpha’s going to be fun.  He’s basically an everyman, but he’s a little more on the edge of things, where people like to read (but not necessarily go).  The wannabe killer’s psychotic, and who doesn’t like a psycho from first person perspective?  But Candy?  Candy’s a middle-aged mom who’s lost her job and she’s…well, she’s just there.  Things happen to her; she’s not really doing much.  I keep thinking there’s got to be a twist for her.  There has to be an angle.  But I haven’t seen it.

Since I’m more of a pantser, I’m thinking maybe (just maybe) an angle will appear when I’m actually elbow-deep in Candy’s world.  But now I’m second-guessing whether she should even be included.  I mean, she’s central to the rest of the story, but her personality isn’t.  It’s more her placement than anything else.  Anyone else can fill that void.  There’s still time.  There’s still hope.  There’s still a chance to get to sleep and receive enough rest to feel adequate for Friday.  Just sayin’.  Ugh.

“And I never wanted anything from you except everything you had and what was left after that too” – Florence & the Machine’s “Dog Days Are Over”